Trauma is almost a ‘buzz’ word these days. Nearly everyone has suffered from some type of trauma in their lives, ranging from rape to being in a war zone to falling and breaking a leg. You could say there is no comparison between these events, however, they would all be experienced as trauma by each person experiencing them.
Some traumas are relatively easy to recover from; others can take a whole lifetime and then not necessarily be healed depending on what sort of treatment has been received and what inner work has been done.
Whatever form our trauma may take, it is an experience which knocks us off our centre; makes us feel vulnerable and unsafe; creates a shock which continues to reverberate through our nervous system for days, weeks or even years. In order to recover, it is necessary to release, integrate and heal the experience. If we don’t do this, whenever a situation arises that triggers the same feelings as the original trauma our mind-body will contract in the same way it did before, and we will tend to revert to a defensive, self-protective behaviour to protect ourselves from the same harm that we experienced during the original trauma.
It may be that when a trigger occurs that there is no danger or likelihood of trauma, but our mind-body, reminded of the previous experience(s), will still react as though there is. These ‘survival’ strategies become counterproductive or even destructive, as they keep us stuck in the same place and prevent us accessing the help that we need in order to heal.
OUR SOULS HAVE A PURPOSE FOR TRAUMA
From a spiritual point of view, trauma is rooted in separation and the remedy is to be found in connection which makes us feel safe and loved.
When we experience trauma, it feels awful, and we want it just to go away so we can forget about it. However, our purpose on this planet is for growth and expansion. It feels good when life feels safe and secure, and we think we know what is around the corner. In fact, life is not like that. We walk on what I like to call the ‘knife-edge’ of life; we never know what is around the corner or when we will be knocked off our safe and secure perch into an unexpected and sometimes painful situation, whether this is a car accident, a loved one becoming sick, our house being burgled, etc.
When these things happen to us, if we are conscious, we can use them as learning experiences, as ways to awaken to new ways of being in our own lives. At first, it will feel like the world has ground to a halt and we must reorientate ourselves to a new normal; this can initially feel profoundly uncomfortable and even destructive. However, once we have recovered from the initial shock, and maybe when some time has passed, we may find ourselves able to look at the experience from a more universal perspective and see where the gifts of the experience lie.
Some years ago, I woke up to find the police knocking on my door at 7am. They walked into our house saying they had a warrant to search our property. My husband, son and daughter were upstairs still asleep; my other daughter came home an hour later to find the house swarming with strange men and women who were removing valued items of our property. It was an incredibly shocking experience for the whole family. It’s a long story but to cut it short, this event resulted in the breaking up of our family in a way that none of us could ever had imagined and was immensely traumatising for all of us. It's taken different amounts time for each of us to recover and all of us have learnt, grown and discovered strengths that we did not know we had.
This is what I mean by our trauma being a gift, if we choose to see it that way. Our souls want us to grow and become more of who we are. This does not happen when we are in our comfort zone, only when we move out of it. And trauma certainly moves us out of our comfort zone in no uncertain terms.
I am not aiming to belittle the effects of trauma. Some traumas feel impossible to recover from especially violent and sexual trauma. However, if we see that it is possible to be in traumatic situations and not to be overwhelmed by them, we can see that trauma can be a way into a deeper experience of life and who we are.
Two examples of this are given below:
Victor Frankl in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning” experienced the horrors of living in a Nazi concentration camp. He recounts how differently people responded to this terrifying experience. People who helped others and saw whatever positives they could in an unbelievable situation had a much higher rate of survival than those who retreated into themselves and gave up hope.
Joseph Campbell in his book ‘Magical Child” tells the story of an escaped and violent prisoner who arrived at an old woman’s house, waving an axe and demanding that she gave him food and shelter. Instead of cowering and showing fear, this woman welcomed him in, fed him, looked after him and showed him love. He relaxed and recognised the care that he was receiving from her, and he did not hurt her. There is a good chance that if she had been scared and wanting to get rid of him, the outcome could have been very different. However, both the convict and the woman received something unexpected and even beautiful from their connection with each other.
SPIRITUAL RECOVERY FROM TRAUMA
We can see that trauma completely unbalances us and often takes us into an ego centred reaction of fear, guilt, separation and defensiveness. These responses embed the trauma deeply into our nervous system and we end up feeling like victims, helpless, fearful and hopeless. This is not the Truth of who we are, and we have the choice to respond differently.
When we feel traumatised, we can choose to recognise that the Truth of who we are is much greater than our ego response. We can connect with the deeper aspects of ourselves, with the Spirit within which is strong, powerful and full of grace. From this place we can look at our trauma with different eyes, recognise those parts of us that have been hurt and feel unsafe, and we can begin to love and heal ourselves back into wholeness. If we can do this, on our own or with the support of a spiritual counsellor, we can return to balance, recentre and gain a wider and more healing perspective on what has happened to us. As we do this, we can find that we have more wisdom, ability to love (ourselves and others) and more connection with the world and with Spirit.
This is not an easy path; it is, however, an immensely rewarding one that allows us to evolve into a greater version of ourselves. An experienced counsellor can be invaluable in helping you to find your way forward to finding this healing and resolution.
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